Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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