I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I booty called her while she was in labor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
