Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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