I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
