My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
