her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
