The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
