Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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