I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pants are for mortals
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
