4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
