I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Less talking, more tequila
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
