Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
