3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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