whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
