I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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