Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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