dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize