your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
