just tell him i said nine months
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
