We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
