i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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