I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
are you so shy because you have an std?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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