hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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