Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
