no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
