I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
