# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
