He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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