I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
