Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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