He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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