Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
