You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize