So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
false alarm, still single
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
