i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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