I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
