You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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