Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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