It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
