sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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