There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
