I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
