FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"