just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
