she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
