Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
