if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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