she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
