I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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