I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
