Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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