did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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