i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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