did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize