Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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