oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
