dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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