so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
