It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize