Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I came so hard my ears popped.
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