whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
