If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize