you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
