it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
