btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
