Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Your dad touched me again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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