literally had 100 drinks last night.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
