Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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