Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
