I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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